last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
