Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
