Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???