the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
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You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
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My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho