You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.