I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid