the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
