ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
