C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
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just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
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He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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