You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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