At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
