The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
