That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
