Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize