What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
