he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
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I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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