I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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