Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
