It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
