I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
where are you?
Hypothermia
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
