Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I need mimosas to revive my soul
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
