i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
