I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
