That's intense
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We need to feng shui this bitch.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
