I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
