Your face is a jimmy john
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
