so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
