it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
