I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
