He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
