This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
