i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
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Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
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You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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