8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
