I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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