dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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