Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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