dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
thus making me awesome and them whores
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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