He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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