And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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