I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
