if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
