I just made out with a guy for $7.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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