That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
