My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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