Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
