I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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