You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We were destined to go to rehab together
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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