it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
