Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
