he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
