4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
