I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
