Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
