we're blogging at a bar
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
