I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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