i think my mom watched the whole time
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
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