I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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