why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
