she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
