Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
