Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
its not stalking. its research.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
