i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
