This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
