Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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