If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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