I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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